It is very possible to survive and heal after a partner has been unfaithful and with most couples if both partners are committed to making the relationship work they can have a thriving, loving, successful even stronger relationship. Although regaining trust offers difficult challenges for both partners, there is hope, especially when both partners are committed to repairing the relationship. One of the primary reasons couples seek counselling is for infidelity and of all the difficult experiences couples face, a betrayal is one of the worst. This is because the person we chose to be with, the one we felt we could count on is also the one who hurt us most and this can be devastating. It is common for both partners to experience many feelings when a betrayal becomes out in the open including; depression (suicidal thoughts), anxiety, and/or a profound sense of loss following the initial disclosure. The reactions of the betrayed partner can resemble symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. What happens in the relationship when an affair surfaces is complex, most of the time though, the relationship itself has been troubled long before the affair happened. Over time it is very easy for couples to slide into complacency and disconnection. Once that happens, looking outside the relationship to find what they feel is missing seems less vulnerable and scary and a lot easier than talking to our partner about difficult topics Working through an affair isn’t an easy task, it takes a lot of effort and vulnerability on the part of both partners, the good news is that researcher John Gottman found, and many couples can develop stronger relationships as a result of therapy. I have found that with patience, commitment and support many couples I’ve worked with have actually created a stronger, more loving, and more emotionally connected relationship after an affair. In therapy couples will work through the affair in 3 stages with the goal of rebuilding their relationship. This rebuilding will include developing deeper emotional bonds, learning to communicate better and manage conflict as well as re-establishing a strong Has your relationship, or the relationship of someone you know, experienced an emotional or sexual affair? You can rebuild your relationship with the right therapeutic knowledge and resources and support. ---- Cece Wiens is a Registered Professional Counsellor and Couples Therapist at Trinity Wellness Centre in Calgary, Alberta. She provides relationship counselling including affair recovery to couples struggling in their relationships and individual therapy to people dealing with a range of personal challenges. In addition to providing counselling Cece provides both couples and individual group workshops on a variety of topics.
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September 2019
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