I don’t know about you but I have definitely found myself slipping into moments where I am not necessarily so kind to myself. For me this often happens when I have made a mistake or when I’m having a tough day, when I am judging myself or comparing myself to others. I notice in those moments I tend to head straight to the negative self talk. Take a minute and think about what you’ve said to yourself today. Were they words of kindness and compassion, were they words of understanding or were you critical or unkind to yourself? How do you feel after you have these inner dialogues? Do you feel helped, refreshed and strong or do you feel depleted, exhausted or blue? Thoughts create feelings and therefore create your mood. How we talk to ourselves and about ourselves matters. The conversations we have with ourselves during the day can really impact how we feel about who we are and what we are capable of achieving. These moments of inner dialogue influence how we feel about ourselves and how we perceive the world around us. While positive self talk may come naturally to some people, most of us need to learn how to develop positive thoughts with practice. One of the issues that I see happen with a lot of people is Rumination – which is when you are replaying negative thoughts or negative self talk over and over in your head. A good way of thinking of it is imagine a hamster going around and around in a wheel for hours without stopping. Research shows that constant rumination contributes to anxiety and depression. How can you start to change your negative self talk?
Awareness Becoming aware of your thoughts is a good start. Taking time to listen closely to your inner dialogue, what you say to yourself both positives and negatives. Take time to write down and reflect on what you hear, are common themes or situations where you are more negative? Are these things that you would say to a friend or family member and if not why is it okay to say them to yourself? Awareness and realization of your self talk is the gateway to changing negative self talk. Positivity Research has found that for every 1 negative we input into our brain we need 5 positives to combat the negative. Adding more positives to your day in small doses can help create more positive outlook and mitigate some of the negativity in our lives. Try making a list of your strengths, things you’re grateful for, meditation or affirmations. Creating little daily moments of positivity over time can help to combat some of those negative thoughts in the long term. Challenge your self talk. This means taking a step back to look at and dispute the negative thoughts or self talk. This is where awareness really comes in handy. Whenever you find yourself thinking negative thoughts or talking to yourself using negative, critical or unhelpful language, this is your cue to stop and take a step back. Curiously ask yourself questions about your perception of the situation such as; Is there any fact or truth to these thoughts?, or are they just my interpretations in this moment.? If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation differently? Would I talk to a friend or loved one this way? Disputing or challenging your negative self talk takes practice. You can change some of the negative aspects of your thinking by becoming aware of and challenging the irrational, negative thoughts and replacing them with more realistic, loving, compassionate thoughts. Self-talk can be very skewed toward the negative, We live in a world that presents a lot of negativity and can be difficult to challenge and change years of negative thinking. Have grace with yourself, try talk to yourself with compassion and love because you deserve it. If you are ever needing help or support with negative self talk, a good therapist can assist you in your journey. -- Cece Wiens is our Registered Professional Counsellor at Trinity Wellness Centre and will be hosting a Negative Self Talk Workshop on Sunday, April 29th. For more information, please see the counselling workshop section of our website. Comments are closed.
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AuthorTrinity Wellness Centre News and Updates Archives
September 2019
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